What Is Grief?

 Grieving is proof of your love. The deeper you grieve shows the depth of your love. But what is grief? Someone said that grief is suffering without the relief of dying. So let me share some insights on grieving with you.

1. Grief is a strong, and often overwhelming emotional response to the death of a loved one. You can grieve the death of a pet or the loss of a career. But we will limit our understanding to the loss of a close personal relative. Spouse, parent, or child. Grief will take you on a journey covering a wide range of emotions, and for a while, all happening at once. You may feel like you are losing your mind and that your life is spinning out of control.

2. Grief is a natural response to death. Grief is both universal and personal. Everyone grieves, and so will you. And everyone will grieve in their own unique way. There are stages to grief, but there is no timeline or checklist. There is no time limit to grief. Grief is a natural response to an actual death, not just sad that things didn't work out.

3. The loneliness of grieving is the most painful and intense loneliness you will ever feel. It is the loss of a needed relationship. It is the violent breaking apart of what God had joined together. The loneliness of grief will not be fixed by a new relationship or a new spouse. Only Jesus can heal your broken heart.

Grief is a deep well of understanding. Do not be afraid to grieve the one that you lost to death.

Broken Hearted Me

I was talking to a couple of friends after church and I began to tell them some of my experiences in grieving the death of my wife. As we talked and as I told my story I was surprised by the pain that I began to feel inside. My wife died in 2014. I have moved on from grief. But I realized that there are scars on my heart that are always there and I can feel them when I begin to rehearse the events surrounding my wife's death. This surprised me a little.

The most traumatic thing that ever happened to me as an adult Christian man was Kathy's death. I was not prepared for the grief journey that I found myself on. I was not prepared for the jumble of emotions and the intensity of emotions that I felt. It got so bad that I began to attend a grief support group called Griefshare. Griefshare saved me from the awful depths of despair.

So while I was happy to share my story with my friends, I sit here now nursing the pain from remembering those awful days from finding Kathy dead in our bed to attending my first Griefshare session.

There was a time when reminiscing about Kathy's death would have been off limits to me. That I can talk about it now is a good thing. That it still hurts is a puzzling thing to me.

Some people thrive on memories. I do not. That's the biggest reason why I left Prescott. It was our place, and she was gone.

A new wife will not fix what is wrong with me. Only Jesus can do what needs to be done, which is to heal my broken heart.

 

Perfect Attendance?

Do as I say, not as I do. This seems to be the attitude shown by some in leadership positions around us. It's like challenging people to fast while your belly is full. It is mental gymnastics done by those who think that they are above the law.

One thing that I see in some churches is the disconnect between church attendance from our pastors and regular church folks. Someone who never misses a service is more faithful to their church than someone who is out preaching but absent from his home assembly. There were times when I was more faithful to my church than my pastor was, even though he was in church more than I was. He was in church somewhere, but not here.

There are people who can live anywhere, and the rest of us who must live somewhere. There are people who go to church somewhere, and there are others who can go to church anywhere.

My conclusion is simply that if we are more faithful to church that you, at least don't hammer on us to be more faithful. Appreciate those who stay by the stuff. 

One thing that some pastors will never earn is a gold star for perfect attendance.

Loneliness Is Overrated

 After my wife died I felt a loneliness that is indescribable. The absence of a need relationship as one author put it. The brutal separation of two become one flesh being ripped apart. But grief is not a permanent residing place and I have moved on.

Loneliness is overrated. Especially if you are a part of a local church. If you are trying to live a self centered Godless life you might feel lonely. But church give social interaction and close relationships to as many people as you can stand.

Social science tells us that widows who do not marry again right away will probably never marry again. I am okay with that.

We did not know that the last few years were going to be our last years together. But the last years of my marriage were the best years. Why you ask? Because we both stopped trying to change the other and we accepted each other as we were. I stayed with Kathy through the hard times, when other men would have left. Through sickness and in health, till death did us part.

We were not perfect people without flaws. This does not mean we were not spiritual, it just means we were human.

A woman marries thinking she will change him. A man marries thinking she will never change. I have lived long enough to see that both are wrong. He will never change, she will change dramatically. Marry young and grow up together. Enjoy each other as they are.

Speaking In Tongues

 "And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name they shall cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;" Mark 16:17

Speaking in tongues is common to us in our Fellowship. We do it all the time. But it is controversial or contentious to some who claim to be Bible believing Christians. The Bible talks about speaking in tongues. 

Acts 2:4 says "and they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance."

Some people heard them worshipping in a foreign language, but not everyone did. Tongues are not for us to understand, it it only for God to hear.

"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels..." 1Cor. 13:1

"Wherefore tongues are for a sign, not to them who believe, but to them who believe not;" 1Cor. 14:22

The record of the spread of the Gospel in the book of Acts tells that people who were filled with the Spirit in other places and at other times also spoke in tongues.

"For they heard them speak with tongues, and magnify God..."Acts 10:46

"And when Paul had laid his hands upon them, the Holy Ghost came upon them; and they spoke with tongues, and prophesied."  Acts 19:6

It is God's will that all who are filled with the Holy Spirit will first and foremost speak in tongues.

"I would that you all spike with tongues..." 1Cor. 14:5

"I thank my God, I speak with tongues more than you all:" 1Cor. 14:18

And finally, a word to those who use 1Cor.13:8 as an excuse for not being filled, I say obey the scriptures.

"Wherefore, brethren, covet to prophecy, and forbid not to speak with tongues." 1Cor. 14:39

I bet that those who are against speaking in tongues do not prophecy in church either.

The main question is not do people still speak in tongues when they get filled with the Holy Spirit. The question really is, why don't you speak in tongues?

"...Nevertheless when the son of man comes, shall He find faith on the earth?" Luke 18:8

400 Years of Silence

 Some people fret over the 400 year gap between the Old and the New Testament. Why so long they ask. Why wasn't God speaking or active during those years? This is a question only God can answer. Could it be that time had to elapse so that Christ could be born at the right time? For some reason known only to God, it was important for Christ to die exactly when He did.

My question to add to this mystery is, why has God not said anything since the first century CE? The writings of the apostle John are the last words written that are in the Bible. First, second, third John and the Revelation are the last times written words were incorporated into the cannon of scripture. We spend most of our time taking ancient texts and working to make them understandable to a modern audience.

I have said this before, but we get more instruction on how to organize and run a local church from modern church history than we get from the Bible.

I guess that God had said all that He had to say by the end of the first century CE. The Bible, which tells God's story going all the way back to the creation story, has zero to say about AI or high tech or even the printing press.

One thing that this tells me is that people do not change over the centuries. There is no evolution causing people to adapt to our surroundings. But, cultural practices are vastly different today from what they were in ancient times. Abraham may have had the same hopes and fears as us, but his morals were quite different. 

So do not lose sleep over the missing 400 years. We have had 2000 plus years of silence to date.

Sermons On TV? Really?

I remember way back in ancient times how pastor Mitchell would schedule an evangelistic movie to be shown on Sunday night When he was out of town. As the Door Director I often had the job of making that happen. Pastor had no assistants.  It was him or a movie.

Tonight we had a better than normal Sunday night service. Pastor was back from conference and people were glad to have him back. I was surprised when he announced that we would be watching a conference video instead of having one of our three pastors preach.

Oh well. It was good anyway. But it wasn't live. I guess the Holy Spirit can move either way.

I do not like watching a sermon on TV.