The Loneliness Of Grieving

 There is a loneliness associated with the death of a spouse that is unlike any other kind of loneliness or aloneness. The loneliness of grief is real, it's confusing, it's chaotic, and it is unending. When God said that the two will become one flesh that actually happens. That is one reason why in death a part of the surviving spouse dies also. It is not just that someone is not there anymore. It's that part of you is missing also.

Someone has wisely said that loneliness is the absence of a needed relationship. It is the feeling inside that something is missing but we cannot seem to identify what that something is. We spend our days and nights searching for something but we are not sure what it is we are looking for. When we are with people we want to be alone. When we are alone we want to be with people. You think we are crazy for thinking like this. Can I tell you a secret? Grieving people begin to think that they have lost their minds before it is all over.

The hardest part of grieving is coming to grips with the reality that life has forever changed for us. They are never coming back. We may be alone until we die. There is no road map for how to survive the death of your spouse. I have had to work hard to get to the point where I am okay being alone. 

The loneliness of grief is not so much physical as it is just missing that person being there. The communication, the conversation, the routines, the news, the common history. I miss not having someone here right now.

Unfortunately many around us use what they call the Little Bo Peep method of dealing with grieving friends. Leave them alone and they will come home... Bad advice for little Bo, worse advice for my family and friends.

Grieving people do not want you to fix them, they want you to call them, They want you to think of them and visit them even if you do nothing but listen.