The New Normal

 I listened to an interesting lady talking about the stepping stones through grief. I understood all that she said. I understand that everyone grieves differently and uniquely. But anyone who has lost someone that they loved will mourn and grieve that loss. Here are the 7 steps. There is an 8th step also but let me list the first 7 first. These are not a check list and they don't always happen in order as listed.  Grieving is a roller coaster of emotion. 

1. Shock. It is a shock to have a loved one die. Surviving spouses are in shock when their spouse dies.

2. Numbness. You feel numb. I did.

3. Disbelief. It is hard to come to grips with the fact that they are gone and they are never coming back.

4. Reality. This is the turning point when you grudgingly accept facts as they are.

5. Alienation.  Being ignored and left out by your married friends.

6. Reinvention. Finding answers to what now or what next. Finding what gives pleasure and satisfaction.

7. New Normal. This is when you fell normal though different. This is when you look forward again.

There they are. These are profound ideas and like I said I have lived through all of them. I am in the place this author calls Post Grief. This is the 8th step. I have discovered that grief is a permanent condition. It no longer hurts but it never leaves. I wonder how something so traumatic and painful did not end in death. One author suggested that surviving spouses are suffering from dopamine withdrawal. And for me, should have or ought to or could have are dirty words. You want to lose me as a friend tell me what I should have done or what I could have done or what I ought to have done. Lose the one who you can't live without and then come and talk to me.