The death of my wife, after 40 years of marriage, was one of the hardest things I have ever suffered through. My whole world was torn apart. My faith was shaken. And I have never felt so lonely in all of my life.
The loneliness of grief is a real thing. The absence of a needed relationship is tangible. It became clear to me during this time that no person could help me or minister to me in any meaningful way. This was something that only God and time could heal.
But as I look back over that troubling time, I wonder how little it would have taken to keep me where I was. Most of us need so little to keep us from leaving or fading away. Trauma alone is not enough to sever long standing relationships. It does take something though, and it would seem that even a little encouragement might have tipped the scales in favor of me not leaving.
I know that my reasons for leaving were legitimate and compelling and those issues are still there. The suffocating memories of a life that no longer was available to me. The constant irritant of the sights and sounds of a place that had died to me. The fog of memories of places and people we used to know and reference points that no one but Kathy would appreciate. I had to leave.
I am grateful to be where I am today. I have new friends to replace the old ones. I have new hope to replace the old hope. I have opportunity here that I had lost there. And I have a few old friends there who I keep in touch with.
Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.
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