After my wife Kathy died I was angry and I was afraid. I was afraid of the memories that reminded me of the life that Kathy's death had left me with. And so for the next 5 years I went on a seek and destroy mission to eradicate all memories of my wife of 40 years from my life. Memories caused me pain. Memories made me cry. Memories were the things that I could not escape from and that became one of the things that drove me to move away.
It has been over 7 years now since Kathy died. And for the first time in years I have begun to look at memories in a different light. I have been afraid to let memories back in because of the pain they had caused me. But slowly I began to open that door and waited to see what would happen. But no tears came and no sorrow was felt and the anger was missing.
I have come to understand that it is alright to have memories and it is alright to miss someone. I used to resent it when people told me how much I must miss Kathy. There are still some sore spots that I will protect. I can't have her picture up in my house. But I can miss having her around.
I miss my old house and I miss my old friends and I miss my old church. My wife is gone and my pastor is gone so there was not much left to hold me where I was. But my future is here not there and I am trusting that the Lord Jesus will guide me to a full and happy life in south Texas.
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