Earlier this week I went, in one day, from thinking about where I would like to be taken for Father's Day dinner, to feeling lonely at the prospect of spending Father's Day alone again. I thought that by moving close to my children I would never spend holidays alone again. But this weekend it's back to being lonely.
Father's Day is not important unless you are a father. It's not big like Christmas or your birthday. It is a day to honor your father and at the very least take him out to dinner. My father died in 2007 so I have no father to honor. I do have children and grandchildren though. I am a father and a grandfather.
Loneliness for someone whose spouse has died is an uncomfortable and unsettling experience. Here it is four days later and this is still bothering me. I was ambushed by loneliness similar to how I used to be ambushed by grief.
I will survive. God loves me. My mother loves me. My pastor loves me. The loneliness of grief is, as someone once said, the absence of a needed relationship. Or, as Brooks and Dunn once sang, A man this lonely, a man this blue, a man whose world's, been torn in two. He needs somebody...
My prayer is that someone will think about me Sunday morning and invite me to dinner when they see me sitting alone in church.
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