When my wife died I was surprised by the depth of grief that I experienced over her. I learned that grieving is proof of your love. And by that metric, I loved Kathy very deeply.
What continues to surprise me is how much I continue to miss her. I cannot fall in love again because I still love her so much. I have hidden from these kinds of memories because I found them to be too painful. All memories did was to remind me of the life that I lost when Kathy died.
I am not actively grieving anymore. I do not mope around missing her. But the thought of meeting someone new and falling in love again is a non starter for me. I will never marry again no matter how much my married friends think that I ought to marry again.
There is a loneliness in death. It is the loss of the one person who knows you and who knows your story. It is the absence of the one person in life with a common history. Many times I have no one to talk to but the Lord Jesus because no one here knows me and knows my story like she did.
All I want from life now is to feel that people just love me as I am. I know that God loves me. I need to know that people love me too.
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