I was talking to a couple of friends after church and I began to tell them some of my experiences in grieving the death of my wife. As we talked and as I told my story I was surprised by the pain that I began to feel inside. My wife died in 2014. I have moved on from grief. But I realized that there are scars on my heart that are always there and I can feel them when I begin to rehearse the events surrounding my wife's death. This surprised me a little.
The most traumatic thing that ever happened to me as an adult Christian man was Kathy's death. I was not prepared for the grief journey that I found myself on. I was not prepared for the jumble of emotions and the intensity of emotions that I felt. It got so bad that I began to attend a grief support group called Griefshare. Griefshare saved me from the awful depths of despair.
So while I was happy to share my story with my friends, I sit here now nursing the pain from remembering those awful days from finding Kathy dead in our bed to attending my first Griefshare session.
There was a time when reminiscing about Kathy's death would have been off limits to me. That I can talk about it now is a good thing. That it still hurts is a puzzling thing to me.
Some people thrive on memories. I do not. That's the biggest reason why I left Prescott. It was our place, and she was gone.
A new wife will not fix what is wrong with me. Only Jesus can do what needs to be done, which is to heal my broken heart.
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