Like I said before, there are similar lists of stages to grief. Here is another list from another source. This is a useful tool for those who work with people.
1. Shock. Shock is a numbed disbelief that you use to disconnect from reality. This is protection from overwhelming news.
2. Denial. Denial is common. We use it to guard our hearts from the unimaginable. We somehow think that this hasn't really happened and we try to tell ourselves that nothing has changed.
3. Anger. Anger is normal but we feel that it is wrong. It is normal to be angry. It is healthy to be angry. Anger is not hatred, it is inner pain. We lash out at those who we feel caused us this pain. I was angry at Kathy for leaving me.
4. Bargaining. This writer says that this is about control. Death feels beyond our control. We start to think what if or if only. This is mental gymnastics. We are desperate for control of our circumstances. We wonder if God has lost control over me.
5. Depression. Depression is challenging and it can be dangerous. This is what happens when it all begins to sink in that it really happened. Depression is hopelessness.
6. Testing. This is the what now stage. Seeing what still works. We test life to see if it still works. We test what to do next. I tried to do things that I did before Kathy was in my life. I went to a grief support group. I was desperate to find something that worked.
7. Acceptance. In the beginning of grief, you think that accepting it all is a fantasy. But one day, little by little, you will accept life as it is now. Sadness will begin to recede a little bit at a time. It takes time to accept it, but once you do, you are halfway home.
I went through all of these stages. I thought that I would not survive. I cried until I had no more tears. But I did survive and I am here today on the far side of grief, looking back.
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