The Kubler-Ross Five Stages of Grief.

The 5 stages of grief will mean nothing to you if you are not dealing with the death of a loved one. The 5 stages of grief will let you know that you are not crazy if you are dealing with the death of a close loved one. The 5 stages of grief will help you understand what a grieving person is going through.

So here is a brief explanation of the Kubler-Ross version of the 5 stages of grief.

1. Denial. Even though you know they are dead, a thought will occur to you that they may walk through the door any minute. That this is only a dream. Death is so traumatic that we cannot wrap our heads around it. We feel paralyzed with shock. We feel blanketed with numbness. Our minds and our hearts cannot accept the obvious. Denial is irrational, but it happens.

2. Anger. Anger is natural and normal. Why do we try so hard to suppress it? We get angry at the dead person, we get angry at ourselves, we get angry with God, we get angry at doctors and pastors. Anger is simply a sign that you cannot accept death as a fact. The root of anger is pain. And we direct our anger at those who we think caused us this pain. One good thing about anger is it is proof that you still have feelings.

3. Bargaining. We go from bargaining for more time alive to trying to make a bargain on surviving the death. I used to beg for just 10 minutes of quiet in my heart and mind. We bargain with God, with ourselves, with our family, to just let me live again, let me live now. Let me find peace.

4. Depression. Depression to a grieving person is like a fog of intense sadness. We think, why go on anymore. Life seems empty and pointless. You spend the day in bed, or in your pajamas. We must understand that grief is deeper than we imagined. We feel like this depression will last forever. I hate to tell you, but depression associated with grieving is necessary. The only way around it is to go through it. It will not last forever. Depression means that you have finally come to grips with the fact that they are never coming back. That is sad. If depression deepens you may need to seek professional help.

5. Acceptance. Acceptance does not mean that it's over, that it's fine, that everything is okay. Acceptance is the first step in learning to live without the one who you cannot live without. You do not have to like it to accept it. But you must, little by little, accept this unacceptable fact. In acceptance you cross the line and the good days begin to overtake the bad days. This takes time. Acceptance for me emerged the first time I laughed at something. The first time I saw something that brought me happiness.

So there you have it. Like I said, this is not a checklist or a map. These are just guidelines to help you to cope. Grief is something you go through, not a destination where you live.