One last thing that I want to deal with about death and dying and grief. It is not only the spouse who is grieving, it is their friends and family members. And the problem is that people want to help but they do not know what to do. They are afraid to hurt you. They are afraid that you are contagious.
Here is the story involving our old friend Job.
"Now when Job's three friends had heard of all this evil that was come upon him, they came...to mourn with him and to comfort him....So they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spoke a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great." Job 2:11,13
First, no one criticized Job for grieving.
Second, no one spoke to him. They were just there.
Third, grief is "very great".
Fourth, in chapter 3, Job is angry at God. This bothered Job's friends. It did not bother God.
Sometimes just being there is enough. Do not try to fix the grieving person, Let them grieve. Give them food, give them a hug, give them some tangible help. One of Kathy's friends came over and did my dishes. Ladies from church brought me meals. It was not until Job's friends began correcting him that they got into trouble with God. And God was the grownup in the story. He let Job rant. Then God dealt with Job as a grownup. Then God put Job in his place. And God gave him twice as much as he had lost. God can absorb our anger.
The worst thing you can do to a grieving person is to ignore them. They are so lonely, and you ignoring them only confirms what they feel inside.
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